All that I would have ever been is etched in my heart. Sometimes I wonder how one can be alive and not seem like it. People are seeking to be happy yet I here feel I’ll be selfish to be without you.
With so much pain I have to let you go now because here is the only place I’ve lived where love can do more damage than hate. I want you to know I am alive and well and not dead as they tell you I am. They’ll give another father and another story, but when you get a chance to read this someday know that I am your father and root of your story. This is one of the hardest thing I’ve ever written because my heart has sunk that people can be cruel to others that they rip your soul out. I’ve become numb to love because of fear to lose those I love again. If I could relive a day. If I could turn back time and change things. If I could have you again. I’d spend every breath of it with you.
Should this be the last things that I say, I want you to know I never stopped loving you. I’ve never asked anyone for forgiveness but son if you can find it in your heart forgive me for not fighting hard enough, forgive me for not being there for you. My efforts were only a teardrop in an ocean of fire. My heart will burn with passion of a thousand suns yearning to meet you again.
People on my state of life have lost their mind because they couldn’t handle what’s being done to them, but I cling on the last bit of hope and vision that I will see you in the future or in afterlife. Know that in your father and his fathers father’s paper do not define us nor are not made of it. These papers I’m going to sign is only footprints on the beach and the wave of our love will make them wash away. I will love every child in your honor but my love for will forever be in my heart.
I love forever.
Many are going to plan anew or seek new lease at life, set new goals and heights of things they seek to achive. But a few will see where they’re truly going for they’re deeply gazing at where they come from. Because of fear change seems as an uphill battle, tending to coil in our comfort becomes our high fenced home. but when we spend all our passion, breaths, thoughts and energies to evolving, we become more than we dream of.
We become great. What we need to become should not be filed by emotions but spirit to live strong and health life is what we dream of. When on your doings struggles will be there also. Do not hate them nor be broken by them for without them you will be very weak.
Life tests everything. Life tests nature and you’re part of middle of it. If you look at nature and the animal kingdom your learn that life does what it does so everything can evolve. Change only makes us escape a moment, use it to align your path to a new one, but remember evolving makes us wiser for a very long time because it cripples the past.
As I waited in vain for my Garmin watch to find signal, I looked up while lifting my watch in desperation to find a signal in the skies but all I could see is pregnant clouds threatening to burst open. I could strongly sense my mind having second thoughts, but hope deceives for the choice was already made by it that it won’t rain sooner so rain or shine I must go for this run.
40minutes later I was deep in the woods splashing and slicing through the forest following a narrow path with rain sending it’s best tears, as I continued to run the rugged trail begun to fade away, and to my surprise I was terribly lost on a broken path and could not find my way back for I had already gone blindly too far.
The sound of violent thunder and pouring rain brought conflict to my judgement, with a blind courage I made my own lolloping path but further I followed it the more I got lost like a wounded dog on the side of the highway on a rainy day.
I ended up falling down in the shoulders of a raging river up above the cliff, it is then it hit me my Garmin failure to give me a signal swiftly as usual was actually a signal to go back indoors for I would end up lost for 6hrs.. I awakened my inner Wolf and like a stream it crawled in the mud and rocks beneath branches as its spirit led me to the main road where I ran back home like a river to the sea.
I got back home wonderfully drenched and muddy. I took a shower like moth wants to be part of the flame, as I turned off the shower there was a great silence even in my heart… Something was not right. I looked on the window and the sun was shining like it does in the desert, there was no even a brush of frail cloud in the sky and my Garmin was asking are you ready to move.. all I could say to myself is shout “SERIOUSLY ARE YOU KIDDING ME”.. hehe
I was asked how do I meditate, for me meditation is a path that leads me out of what I’m struggling with and once I come back to the physical world I’m able to see things in different perspective which often demands I let go, because this life is a journey and not and battle. I also meditate to remember clearly the things I was taught when I was young as if I’m that young boy again. Meditation for me is to understand everyone emotions, voice and feeling that are with me and where are they coming from before I give them life, voice and strength. Because to be a warrior we must never say or do things that we don’t meant to.
Choose your words carefully because your subconscious mind is constantly listening to you. Even though we do entire thinking in our conscious mind, the subconscious mind is constantly observing everything that is going through your mind. So whatever you keep saying in your conscious mind, your subconscious mind is listening. When you keep repeating the same message over and over in your conscious mind, your subconscious mind starts to install that within a system and start the process of substantiating that in your life.
The subconscious mind is a powerhouse. It is a reality generational center. Once subconscious mind receives a message, it starts to work on it. It starts making it happen.
If you want to know how life works, you must know how your subconscious mind works. Meditate to know where the feelings and emotions you have hails from, then try to know why and mind what is their purpose, will they make you feel joyful and peaceful when you express them?. Having said that I’ve meant ‘watch what you say because your subconscious mind is constantly listening to you’.
When something that happens to you, and you say, ‘oh this is a total disaster’, then your subconscious mind thinks it is a disaster. I found myself in that edge yesterday and I had to constantly remind myself this must never end up in your heart, for sadness to follow may darken your path. The thing is when you keep repeating the same message over and over, it will sink into your subconscious mind eventually and find its way to take root deep in your heart.
So from today definitely watch what you say, and keep in mind it will reach your subconscious mind for sure. Positive thinking can start just from now. Say what you want to achieve, not what you want to avoid, hate or regret. You didn’t come this far to be this far, as long you stand and breathe the journey continues because our dreams are many thanks we know of, what we came for is just a plate of meal. Let your meditation give you a belief you can escape to, for purpose of meditation is to save us from the noise and conflict of this world that seeks to break our spirit. Always go deep within where you cannot be easily be broken. From there you’ll be able to face this life as as warrior.
Remember when you are the master of your mind, you become the master of your life.
That’s my message for today. Have a great day!
Just because I have wandered into this life it doesn’t mean I have forgotten where I come from nor who I am. My destiny has not abandoned me and I am not intending to abandon it. This life will be rough and wonderful sometimes . My path will be treacherous but I will not face it with a soft heart. I may get hurt along the way, but pain is just the teacher I need to have wisdom on this journey. my life has never been easy, I’ve lived in the shadows and in the light. I’ve lived as a shadow and also light. I’ve never been given anything but have many things been taken from me. Despite all my loses my spirit I’ve been one with it so I can live with joy and peace. The life I lead begun with nothing, whatever I lose or get robbed from me will leave me as I begun. the only difference is the beginning is the start of a new life. Time may have changed, but starting it is all the same. I know where I’m going but I do not where I may end up for life has a way of making us go beyond what we set for. and I’m beyond what I embarked for.
Sometimes it is hard to fathom the things that life takes us through, but for me I’m in love with whatever fate choses that I must experience, for its the way of a warrior and he has no choice but to embrace it, for he knows good or bad both forces shapes his life. Sometimes its painful and heartbreaking, but it has never abandoned me hanging in the edge, it has always unfold to a new beginning and a chance to start life anew.
If you look at life with the humble eyes of a wiseman you will always find yourself smiling rather than crying when things go wrong, because when a wiseman road leads him to a life of challenges and obstacles, he becomes a warrior, and with a heart of a warrior he cannot be broken by setbacks no matter how determined their forces are. He navigates through them and braves the toughest that others see and find it hard to bear.
Just imagine a life of no fear or complaining, crying, hating, then go out with full of life, gratitude, understanding, untamed valor, optimism – and live it. For me this is my destiny and I love it beyond the jaws of defeat and failure. I hurt because it is what I think of. I am strong because it is what my l8fe demands and depends on.
Remember the body is what feels the pain, but your spirit doesn’t.