Love can be a cruel thing

I have been a kind frog that delightfully helped a beautiful scorpion cross the river only to get stung and wonder why the scorpion stung me.

Many blood moons later unto this day I still wonder why. The pain and her betrayal is still unforgettable because her venom still burns my soul, and ghost of her still haunts my heart because the love that made me kind still won’t hate her.

About doping in Kenya

Dear Mr Ababu Namwamba, you do not know me, but it is time you do. My name is Kiplimo Chemirmir, I am many things, but at the moment I am a passionate Kenyan and I’m tired of seeing some of our athletes bringing shame and disgrace to our beloved country. Like me, you too should find this unacceptable and it should anger you to your bones. For no one should be romanticized just because they say they’re sorry. We need discipline, we need honour, we need accountability, we need honesty because these is what makes the backbone of Kenya.

Here are my requirements for you to start doing. But before that I just want to say Congratulations for being appointed the minister of sports. I strongly believe you will do great but above all save the face of our country.

Here are what I believe we can do for our sport, saving our country and bringing discipline to those who represents us.

1. Budget for talent discovery, and athletics Cultivation is so incredibly small. The government should invest on that. Don’t tax the athletes and also stop giving athletes a hard time when they come with suitcases of their training facilities, such as shoes and clothing, etc.

2. Ban the entire camp for 2yrs if someone from the camp has failed / caught doping.

3. If you’ve been caught doping, you should be jailed according to your ban sentence. If it’s 2yrs or 4yrs. You should go to jail for the same years you’ve been banned.

We should go back in time and also arrest those who have failed / caught doping since 2012. The time Russia got banned. Imagine the faith and admiration the world will have if they heard someone in the government is doing something and all these international thieves are being arrested?

Russia is known for war and doping, Kenya we’re about to be known for Tourism and Doping. And this is a taint and name that no matter what we will do in the future, we will not be able to change it. We have to do this now.

4. Have a Kenyan athlete app database. Which holds their information, from age, place of birth, parents name, training camp or club, manager, coach and where they live.

5. The dopers to have their jail sentence shortened, they have to tell us where and which doctor sold and administer the doping, and who referred him or her to them.

6. To put an end to these doctors, they have to be jailed too. ADAK need to be honest too. When they’ve found out someone has failed a test, they should also release the names to press and not only to an individual or the Federation. We cannot have transparency when there’s secrets, bribes and blackmails or whatever is causing them not to release the names of the dirty athletes.

7. Athletes, doctors, coaches or managers who are responsible should not be given fines, but they must serve the time for the crime and banned for ever working with Kenyan athletes.

8. All athletes who are busted for doping should lose more than they stole. When I talk about their assets, I mean if they won 50k US, they should lose 150k US. That will be the fine, but still there’s jail time. The money taken will be used to fund the antidoping body. And if it’s a former Kenyan athlete who now represents Qatar, Bahrain, Turkey or whichever country they may be representing now, if they got doping, they should lose their assets in Kenya and be deported to the country they’re representing. We have to become firm now and leave no stone unturned.

9. There’s no room for education now anymore, many kenyan athletes have been making a mockery out of this opportunity and their ignorance and disrespect of the sport is the reason we are where we are today. Now is not a time to learn anything anymore but a time to put fear into everyone.

10. AK should be a parent to all athletes when it comes to going to hospital. Before they’re given any medication, the Dr should first inform AK federation, which they should have someone honest and trusted who is in charge of this who can never be bribed and must go through oath to get thia job.

11. Whichever physician gives medication to an athlete and causes the athlete to have health issues or death. The physician should be held accountable and be arrested. No bail or fine for them.

12. The managers that have the most positive cases should not be allowed to represent Kenyan athletes and also should be banned from having athletes on world major marathons.

13. All Coaches and trainers in Kenya must register with Athletics Kenya and pass the tests, which should not be easy. Don’t forget to include sexual Assaults and spousal abuse/ gender violence education and prevention.

14. I believe it’s time we evolve past visiting the camps, and do random calls to the athletes to come be tested without them knowing when and what day. There should be antidoping offices in every police station. 2 police men, male and female should be put in every police station as antidoping police. Their job is to make surprise visit and sometimes a raid to the training camps to perform testing.

15. Yes it is possible and imperative for the Kenyan government to implement a DCPU/ Doping Control Police Unit. We should set it for 5yrs. Government should put 200 cops who will also be secret services. Some of them should be athletes.

16. Just like it was during covid where you had to show your test before travel. Kenya government should set an office at the main airport only for Kenyan athletes to report and vetted before they leave, if you haven’t been tested 3x before your race, you’re nit getting into any plane.

The more fear we make the more clean athletes will be.

We should ask IAAF/ WA/ World Athletics not to intervene but support because this is a national emergency, athletics is the face of Kenya. And if we dont do something not soon but now, Kenya will be known as a doping nation. We are literally one step away from sharing fate with Russia.

The AK president served in the army, he shouldn’t be sitting down and watching this disgrace to our nation go on like this and be silent as if it is normal. This is not our culture or our way of life.

Barnaba of AK has done so much, but unfortunately he’s by himself every time I see him. Give him the funds and add younger people at AK to help. It’s time to retire the old folks there because their minds have the wisdom of the past but no knowledge of the rapidly changing course of the present day lifestyle of the athletes and world. We need to be better on who we put there to represent us. Our ambassadors should be people who are not yes men or bow to the white man but also learn to say No. We need to have warriors.

And one last important thing. AK needs elections. And it should be every 4yrs, one Olympic to the other. And term should not be more than 8yrs. And whoever is in office now must show what they’ve done for sports the last 10yrs in able to run again. We need new people who are passionate of making the sport of running bigger. We need new and better stadiums in all regions of Kenya that produces or has potential of making great athletes.

If people elect the president and who they want to serve them in the government or parliament, why not let athletes decide who they want to be their leader?. Having people who are already there vote for themselves and decide who they want to be in the federation breeds discrimination, tribalism, favourism and corruption. Everything is the way it is because everyone has gotten comfortable knowing they’re untouchable.

I also think it’ll be wise if everyone who is elected to only not serve more than 8yrs in office, and elections should be done every 4yrs because that’s what’s supposed to be done. If Olympics is every 4yrs, why not the AK federation? No one is special or entitled to own an office that’s supposed to serve athletes.

17. Team Kenya doesn’t need nutritionist on the team when we travel the food is offered in buffet for everyone. That’s a waste of money to have that person in the team.

18. The physios, massage therapist, that have to be chosen through a voting system by the athletes who are in the team. I don’t think it’s wise to continue bringing physical therapist’s from hospital to work on athletes who needs someone who understands their body better.

19. We need transparency with where sponsorship and Nike money and equipment is offered and who it is distributed to and to who receives it, and who is in charge of giving the facilities to the athletes. Because I have worked for Team Kenya 2x, in 2016 World indoor championship in Portland I was given only a t-shirt and in 2022 World Championships in Eugene I was given only a hat. And both time I was the only physio working for the team. In 2016, the 1st day I slept in the floor because they didn’t have a room for me nor credentials. But that didn’t hold me back from serving my country.

Stuff like this shouldn’t be happening. Now its been 5-months later I still haven’t been paid for my work for the  World Championships that was held in Eugene. Every time I asked for my paycheck they keep saying tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes for them. I’ve traced the phone number of the person who is supposed to pay me but he’s ghosting me. Can you imagine working from 9am to 1am and somedays 3am for 10days and still not get paid?

20. Every athlete has a coach, and I don’t see the use of AK coaches to be part of the team because you’re changing someone’s training yet you do not know anything about them. This is an ancient way of thinking and doing things that we need to evolve from. Everyone can come to the training camp together, train together if their workouts matches but if not someone should be there to support and not control what the athlete does. They have their own coaches for a reason. Team Kenya doesn’t need to waste money on bringing too many team officials. It was so sad to see some athletes didnt know how and where to wash their clothes because no one showed them, for more than 10days athletes had to wash their clothes in the toilet sink with bath soap some couldn’t and were smelling so bad, you could see the disgust on other countries athletes when our Kenyan athletes would come for dinner, lunch ir breakfast. You mean the federation cant afford a deodorant and someone/ team chaperone who knows where athletes can do their laundry and have better hygiene? We can do better.

21. Please pay athletes on time. Those who have won medals or have represented the nation, pay them. its a disgrace that most amazing athletes on earth are not paid in time from representing their country. This needs to change. We need to do better. We need new leadership and new fresh minds to save our sport and country.

So please Mr Ababu Namwamba please, We have to do this now.

Solve your anger so you can have peace

When you’re angry, you’re only blinded by your connection with your anger. The sad thing is you’re only focusing on the surface of it.

There are three things you should be aware of when you’re angry.

1. You’re only thinking of your anger.

2. You have to think what’s causing your anger. Is it betrayal, being ignored or something else.

3rd one it should be your favorite path to all aspects of your life like it is to me. This is where you have to take a path of honesty and humbleness by asking yourself, what can I do to solve it. Here is where your heart meets your soul. And if you can find your way here, then you’ll know the mind fears the heart, but the heart doesn’t mind, because it’s been strengthened by celestial peace.

You can always find peace within you if you seek it. You don’t have to fight anyone, for that will only cause more hurt and resentment, which causes mental scars that you may end up carrying for life if you do not solve things sooner with the wisdom in you.

From one warrior to another, I want you to know, it is not wise to romanticize by living with an emotion that does not cultivate your well-being. Remember, in life you’ll hurt yourself more with the way you view things than the way you’re being hurt.

Don’t join anyone or anything on beating yourself up, you’ll never heal.

Look at the bright side, you can let go your anger and nothing bad will happen to you, it only does when you hold on to it. Your heart was not built nor destined to carry such weight.

Be light to your being, and light will be with you.

The villain whose a hero

To draw boundaries,  sometimes you have to become a villain by breaking your heart to save your soul,  for it is your soul that needs a hero and it is in this glorious sacrifice a villain who ghosts people,  a villain who loves themselves the hero for your well-being is found. 

You mustn’t worry about the losses,  they never appreciated you, they brought this on themselves.  You belong where you’re embraced, cherished and acknowledged. 

You belong where you’re seen as a gift, where yoi are a gift, and surrounded by those who are a gift to you.

Make your circle small, and you’ll never have to worry about your trust being betrayed or your heart being broken. To be a hero, you must also learn how to be a villain who gives no fucks.

Love is devotion

Maybe you believe love is a feeling. Love is a devotion. Feel that.

Love is a devotion that gives birth to enduring, deepening feelings.

A repetition of care concerned with intimate understanding.

A nurtured womb for many rich emotions of union.

Garden good, be of a beautiful soul, for love more than all things and for all things.

I was broken

I was broken by the words you didn’t say.

By the things you didn’t do.

By the touch you held back.

By the emotions you didn’t express.

I was broken by your inconsistencies, ungratefulness, selfishness, arrogance, lies and back stabbing.

I was broken by how foolish you made me look, and how invisible I was to you.

I was broken by how you tore the fabric of my being, my future and all the dreams I had.

I was broken to realize how cruel you are.

I was broken when I realized I wasted my life for you.

I now trulu realize that loving you was the single and most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever done to myself.


Have courage, and you’ll never be alone.
Courage brings freedom and growth.
Don’t deny your soul such a blessing.
Some courage will take you through a path of pain, but remember this, strength come from facing and braving uphill battles. Things may arise in your life that you do not expect, you too can do that. Have courage.

The marathon is a treacherous journey

The marathon is a treacherous journey, but it has its beauty if you stay kind to yourself.

Here is the thing i know about running, whatever distance, race or training that may be. You either do well or stay brave when things are not going well.

In my lineage we have a belief that only the brave gets to talk to the Gods/ weaver of fate, and they always respond by making you find poetry on your uphill battles and silver lining in whatever may arise. In other words you’ll experience being fortunate in this life.

So don’t dwell on your defeats nor romanticize the shame in shortcomings for you may end up cursing or scarring yourself for life. Embrace what happened by learning from it, growing from it, being lighter from it, by becoming even braver for there’s so much on your way to your dreams that are going to give you a hard time; if dont use your courage, you’ll be crippling your spirit, and without your spirit, you’re a shell of yourself.

The well part is a surprise, the brave part that is entirely something you have to mold in your head to become your mindset. Because in training and in life you have to live as a warrior.

This is why i often say, you train to find your strength, you race to show your strength. See the brave connection there?

Things will eventually go well for you, and there’s no telling when, even your fitness doesn’t know when, only your courage has the torrent to make fate.

Thanks for reading my ted talk.. 😆 🤣

Yours is just one of the many God’s.

I’m compassionate not because some religion or it is asked from me by one of the many God’s, including yours.

I am like this because compassion that I show is an echoe of what I already show myself. Ots who I am.

I grew being kind to myself because it was the only way that will help me survive.

In this world people will always ask you who’s your role model, for me that has always been a very difficult question to answer because I grew up admiring Elephants, who in my tribe are considered one of the God’s.

Like the Elephants, you see, I know how big my heart is. And the heart like this is never empty.

There’s a miracle in being excited

Align with your coach, and you will align with your dream.

Remember to be patient,  willing,  disciplined and passionate. 
Then wrap all that with faith and a peaceful mind.

Oh’ yes, your mind is the student here, but your body is a magnificent being, as long you keep it healthy and rested,  there isn’t much it’ll not embrace doing, it’s cultivated by so much especially pain.

You just have to allow your mind to be embracing like your body, and you’ll be a warrior.

Even though Empathy and peace are the greatest feelings, there’s a third one, Excitement.  If you use it,  fear and uphill battles or whatever may arise will not bother you.

Stay excited and life will bring you exciting things and people. 
And if you know how to lead a warriors life, even pain will bring you exciting things.

So stay excited about the things you’re going to do even if hope is taking its time to get to you. You’ll get there, you’ll get better, you’ll reach your fullest potential…. Isn’t this exciting to know?


I was both the sand and the roots, I was also the stem and so much more, and then a day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Here I am, Still I bloom. The bees still come to visit me, and like always its still not in my nature to be selfish.

I am sweet, I am beauty, I am peace, I am poetry, I am a gift.

A warriors mindset

Don’t get too confident in your trauma by defending yourself with your trauma. It is not wise.

Remember this, when a wounded lion heals, it’s spirit becomes the strongest. In this quest to begun anew, do not be afraid to redesign your circle by making it smaller than it has ever been.

Just like the Lions pride, have only those you trust, got your back and gives your life meaning.

In pain or whatever uphill battles you’re going through, remember this; A wounded lion is still a lion.

Still your soul, use logic and once your minds-eye has been opened, your strength will viciously come back with a roar.

A warriors mindset must never be abandoned.

It’s like loving a ghost

Never get in a relationship with someone who only sees her side of things, lacks patience and honesty to you, nor is willing to learn your language and energy, or lacks ability to stop themselves from focusing on their negative emotions and pretends to love you but speaks opposite of that to their friends.

This is the very same person who will always make you feel lonely even when you’re not alone.

They will give you sadness, waste your precious time on earth, they’ll enjoy hurting you, and stealing from you the little things that made you fall deeply on love with them.

You may never find it in your heart to hate them, but you’ll hurt because of them because the ghost of them will for longest of time haunt your heart. This is the price we pay for deeply loving emotionally unavailable person.

Find yourself and love yourself

Every time you get vulnerable and attached to someone who does not want to commit to you, you’ve put yourself in unhealthy situation.

Forgive yourself, be brave, Meditate and pray for peace and strength, and find the will to move on. It’ll not be easy, but you’ll find a way.

Remember to never stop being authentic, kind, thoughtful, loving and consistent with your energy.

Let go

Life is hard, don’t make it harder on yourself by holding on to someone who doesn’t love you. I wish I could travel back in time to three years ago to enlightened my past self with this wisdom. But now I know and I’ll make better choices. Don’t misplace your love, trust, time and energy.

It wasn’t easy

It wasn’t easy to ignore every shove you did to my soul. It wasn’t easy to ignore watching you take back every affection, touch, kiss and little things that were most meaningful to me.

It wasn’t easy enduring watching you seeking wrong things about me. It was easy ignoring things that were said about you. I fought for you, healed you and even turn my back on my family for you.

I look back now and realise that to love you the way I did was a sin and my creator was not happy with me for ignoring things that were meant to be in the light for my soul. I thought you were my light, but that was just a thought that I manifested. It’s actually what I wanted you to be, that’s why everyday I tried to bring you to it.

It wasn’t easy to see how cruel and selfish you were to me, yet all I ever needed us to be is a gift to each other. You used to be my greatest prayers, dream, and wish you know. And when you came into my life, never once I ever did or thought ill of you.

It wasn’t easy being in love with you and also feeling lonely and rejected. It was easy living in your lies. It isn’t easy living with this shame you left in my life. It isn’t easy to see the things you used to say you’re Incapable of doing to me, and starved me from them is what you’re passionately doing and giving away without effort.

It wasn’t easy realizing that I lost myself trying to love you. I had given away everything trying to be enough for you.

When you’re fighting for someone who never existed in a body you grew to love, to adore, its one of the hardest things to accept.

Now I know there’s more to life than fighting for someone to see you, to accept you, to cherish you, to be hold you, to change like you’ve done for them. When they don’t want to change and sacrifice their old patterns, then you’re the one who’s going to live in a hurt that your beautiful mind will not know how to host.

Life isn’t easy, but you shouldn’t endure someone who treat you like this. Someone who’s one foot in and one foot out. Someone ambivalent. These kind of people will use you, hurt you without remorse, replace you in an instant, because they choose their emotions above logic. They’ve never fought for anything in their life. They tend to run away from everything serious, including themselves. They’re never themselves.

Curse of a gift

I used to pray for a gift. Then I was blessed with a gift. I loved, praised and cherished and cared deeply to this gift than I have ever done to anyone or myself. Then after three years of loving this gift, I was rudely awakened from what was a dream to be handed a very painful and heartbreaking curse.

Now, I fear to pray and my relation with whoever I was praying to is not the same. If I die tonight, I hope I do not end up anywhere closer to the giver of that gift. I’d rather wander in space as dust than be in a heaven of my greatest pain.

Give it energy, not time

Love and time don’t go together, but love and energy depend on each other. Time offers distractions, but energy offers commitment.

When someone says they want to spend time with you, remind them you have something better, your energy.

With it give them your affection, joy, consistency, appreciation and devotion for its the source of intimacy and so much more that is needed deeply by their soul. It basically possesses the meaning of life.

Remember you will not always have time, but you will always have energy. If you don’t give someone your purest energy, then you’re really selfish.

So look deeply around you again, look at everyone in your life that you cherish, they’re from all walks of life and ages, but the reason they’re in your circle is because of their energy.

Look at all the flowers and everything around you, they give their energy not time. When you hurt someone, the pain is felt most and deeply and longer in their energy, because that’s where we come from. That’s who we are….. Energy.

There are people who plant a flower and water it and enjoy seeing it grow, and there are some who pluck it and place it in a jar only to watch it wither then throw it away in a few days, for it has fulfilled its purpose of making them happy for a day.

People who want something beautiful and great in their life have the energy to cultivate it, to connect with it, to cherish it, to be in love with it.

The toxic friends

We’re surrounded by a garden filled with flowers that some of them poisoned your past. The antidote for those flowers not to poison your present life is to not touch those flowers again. What I’m trying to say is; Some friendships you have has to end.

How you end up in a drain

When you fell in love and grew in and to love the best version of them, and down along the way of time they stop presenting themselves as that version to you.

Begging, hoping, praying and waiting for them to give you their best will only bring you disappointment and frustration. And if it is not in your nature to possess these feelings then being broken will become your fate.

This happens when you were never taken seriously, and considered a void feeler. It is tragic to waste precious years of your life only to realize no matter what you did, you never mattered. This is often a fate worse than death.