Here are the things that will weaken your soul

Reacting to everything emotionally. This one will make you exhausted.

Making assumptions. This one tends to bring stress, ruins reality and alienates people.

Personalizing what other people do. Don’t be so invested on things that does not cultivate your soul and mind.

Be aware of your depths and your limits. It is much easier to be triggered when you’re lonely, misunderstood, hungry, angry or tired.

Be present and intuned with your alignment. Focus on your path and not your past.

If someone makes you feel less of what you are, then it is wise you step away from them. Not everything in life is meant to last, so be grateful they showed you their true being.

Remember you can do so much to help and love someone, and if you’re giving this energy to the wrong person you will be helping them destroy the fabric of your being.

Betrayal happens when you blindfold your soul, what someone does to you is just an echoe of what you’ve already done to yourself.

If you know you have a habit of going deep, then don’t hang around ambivalent people. They’ll waste your time and even ruin your reality, mind and life. And they’ll never lose sleep from what they’ve done to you.

The elephant in the room

We can’t avoid hard conversations, as much as we’d like to. Trust me, they scare me too. But if we avoid the hard conversations, we avoid the truth.

When we avoid the truth, we avoid each other.

When we avoid each other, we weaken the relationship.

Don’t ignore the elephant in the room, it’ll bring the house down as it wants to come out of this cage you’re putting it in.

Don’t miss them, pray for them.

When you terribly miss and incessantly think of someone, that means your heart has an abundance of love for them.

If they’re no longer in your life because of what they did to you and memories are causing you to miss them so much, remember their chronic lying, their manipulation and gaslighting, their disregard of you, their constant criticism of you, their lack of commitment and affection, their negative and shallow mindset, their fake public persona, your loneliness and isolation, being blamed by them for everything and all the apologizing you had to do for things you never did so there can be peace but was given more chaos and sadness, feeling invalidated and having no voice, walking on eggshells and suicidal thoughts their brought into your mind.

Be thankful you’re free and alive now and without drama or urge of having to prove your love and worth to them.

Be thankful your heart is still beating and you don’t have to live a life of begging to be loved everyday.

Be thankful and keep being the best being you’ve always been for that’s a rare gift and people who don’t appreciate or cherish you don’t deserve. Remember, you never meant much to them but something to be used, look at how fast they replaced you. You shouldn’t torture yourself anymore by missing them. Miss only people who matter and want to be in your life.

Be thankful and keep working on having peace.

Remember, Our brain is a very complicated construct, as much as we can try to forget the things we don’t want to remember, we will never be able to delete them entirely,. They’re part of who we are. Woven into our very fabric.

Promise yourself

Promise yourself to not lower your basic standards and no tolerating mistreatment.

Give your time and energy to revitalizing and emotionally prepared for deep connection.

Don’t chase anyone nor invest in them, nor hope that they’ll treat you better. If you feel lonely, disrespected and used it is wise you break your heart to save your soul, for if you let them break your heart, they’ll destroy your soul than anything could ever do.

Like the way you’re kind to the world, be more of that to yourself and walk away from where you’re not appreciated or given crumbs as affection. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.

Life is but a dream

The people I have met.
The things I’ve seen.
The life I have lived.
The places I’ve been.

The things I’ve escaped or braved.
The heartbreaking loses I have had.
The mistakes I have done.
The pain I have experienced.
And the people whom I deeply believed were the elixir to my soul but turned out to be the bane of my existence.

The Warrior part of me relies on being strengthened by the uphill battles of this life, and the monk side of me gains Enlightenment from the same quest.

The thing is, How can I not have a loving heart from experiencing all these? After all, life is what we perceive it to be, and I’ll be indubitably foolish not to be grateful.

For all of my wisdom hails from all these and so much more that has and continually compels my heart to expand  and unfurls the depths of my mind and raises the height of my spirit. As I row my boat gently down this stream, I see life is truly a dream, and I am part of the dream life is having.

The perfection they seek can never be found in you no matter what you do or have

If you have to be perfect for someone to stay with you, they’re going to leave you anyways, they may leave you literally, they may leave you emotionally, but they will certainly leave once the perception of their perfection fades.

Those requiring perfect romantic partner are likely in a relationship to extract what they need, rather than form a mutually beneficial connection – whether they know it or not.

Life lesson: be aware of emotional vulnerability with those navigating life via extraction, rather than connection. One day their resolved emotional history will force them to sacrifice your well-being for their perceived survival.

So be careful especially when being hopelessly romantic is your way of love. For you may become someone else’s collection of infinity stones.

It is certain

Will these shattered bits ever fit?

Will happiness ever find me again?

Is this agony and yearning forever my burden?

I guess only time will determine where the depths of my breath will turn.

Oh creator of all, blind me with peace so I become numb from asking you questions of all these suffering you planted on my existence.

For now, my life is yours to keep.

Learn this

Your job is never to convince someone that you are worthy of their love and affection.

Your job is to be the best version of yourself and that’s enough.

If that doesn’t get you whom you think is the love of your life, then you need to move on because you haven’t met them yet.

Get out of business of converting people to you. You are enough.

Do you truly know who you’re with?

Be in a relationship with someone who handles conflict with maturity.

Someone who let’s you know when they’re annoyed with you instead of bottling it up and going to gossip and stab you in the back by sharing whatever she’s made with her friends.

Someone who treats with you respect even when they’re struggling not to scream at you.

Someone who’s willing to make compromises because of love.

All that I want

I want someone who’s happy to be with me. Someone who want to learn, explore and grow with me. Someone who’s proud and thankful of having me. Someone who loves me with all of their heart. Someone who’s proud to hold my hand when we walk and to show me off. Someone who is honest and kind. Someone who is excited to share the rest of their life with me. For its how I feel about her and what I will do to her and so much more.

Be a gift

Always remind your partner you are on the same team and you’re not trying to win over them.

Most of all, speak to each other in a language that does not control but imbues calm and inspires love and strength that is found only in alignment of the soul and heart.

Be there for each other for the life you dream to create with the love you both have and meant to share.

Don’t hold back nor be determined to unfurl feebly on finding reasons that cultivate tempestuous conflict.

Like the way the roots coils with strength unto the assuring innate embrace of the earth, embrace and see each other existence with an Astral meaning, root yourselves in conscious and spiritual devotion to each other,  till all you are, say, feel, remember,  dream, create, bring, do and have for each other is a gift.

Amazing things happen when we give a gift that we make out of ourselves.  Root this in your heart.

I love the way love makes me feel and do

Often I think of how much I love love. I love the thought of finding, cherishing and living with the real love.

I love the thought of having someone who loves me so bravely such as much.

I love how loving reveals to me the meaning of life and God’s gift to me.

I love how love makes me selfless, confident and so deeply alive to love who I need and cherish the most.

I love how love gives me heaven.

The sun is setting

This year was a dark one, a very dark one after losing the best version of myself, and knowing I never was loved as I dreamed I was.

Walking away from a person I deeply and gratefully loved was the top of one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I fought for us, I begged for us, I prayed for us but reality demanded I be honest with myself and to look back into the relationship and see only I was the consistent and present one. Then I realized I walked away to save my soul.

I loved her more than anything or anyone I’ve ever loved, and I still do. The relationship was an absolute push and pull. I strive for peace, she invested on conflict. I adored her, she gaslit me and judged me harshly, when I wanted to leave she begged me to stay. I knew every pain in the fiber of her being and I wanted to see and keep her safe, and the more I took away her pain the further she moved away and pushed me away.

I lifted her every day even when she treated me terribly by crushing me. I was caught in a trauma and tangled up in confusion of not know what to do because I had made a vow to love and support her. I was in a relentless trepid bond with her ambivalence. I was addicted to loving her and intoxicated by her existence in mine. I don’t know what changed her, maybe her friends, maybe she wasn’t who she appeared to be, maybe she wasn’t authentic, maybe she had her own demons from he past that made her afraid of commitment. Maybe I was just a void filler, but for 3years? That’s a lot to waste someone precious time and life, it’s evil.

Her way of love was familiar and elusive as everything and everyone I’ve always yearned to have. And being the people pleasing empath which I learned from my great grandmother’s support, I was caught in most painful unraveling of my life of self. I’ve never found myself being so worthless, and meaning to a point I wanted my life to end so badly like I did this year. I’ve never met a being who finds delight in someones plight.

I’ve never been crippled like I did this year. Baffling it became to everyone especially my family and my dearest great grandmother who almost died after getting the news that we’re no longer together, to this day she still won’t speak to me, such a painful thing that I had to make a promise never to love anyone again.

Being strong and self-aware as I have always been it still baffles me too how I ended up in the bottom of this conundrum, why did I ignored all those signs she showed me so many times. I’ve always believed in hope, resilience, faith, love but they all failed me. Why would God do this to me after praying for so many years for someone amazing and when I finally meet her she turns out to be cruel.

I thought I could heal, strengthen and love her and fill her life with adventure and laughter which i did every day, but I ended up begging for something that was meant to have no effort of giving someone you love. I thought memories could strengthen a relationship so I made a lot with her but to her it was all an empty gesture of my meaningless existence to her. Ghost of her still haunts me because of love that I still have for her.

As I feel the ending of my life nearing, I pray for her to be authentic to whoever she has. For no one deserves to be awfully treated like I did. I pray she awakes from her pasts darkness and heal from that pain that blinds her from embracing and opening to love. I pray she never hurts anyone nor waste their precious years like she did me. I pray that she truly finds peace and respect her family. I pray that she always have strength and food on her table. May you always be truly grateful of people in your life by cherishing them. And above all, my dying wish is may you be open to learn about yourself. Despite your wall of fears, you’re a great human being. I pray you live to grow into that greatness.

You never gave me much, but you were my greatest dream and blessing.

You are energy

Don’t be passionate about embracing anger, hate, frustrations and other lower emotions as something that you need to become nor identify them with yourself.

A powerful being is also a light being.

To challenge your thought process I’ll also say to you that you don’t have a life, you are life. So be what life does, expand, be where you need to be, grow and share what you need to share.

To think you have a life, also implies to have fear of losing it and controlling it, and being stack in the incessant trepid stream of worrying about it.

You are far more than that.
You are energy, Don’t let things and people make you forget how powerful what you’re made if.

Not everyone is who they say they are or seem to be.

If someone has an issue with you, and they’re telling everyone except you. They don’t have real issue with you. They just love the attention they get from talking about you.

Soon you’ll notice them becoming emotionally available, they’ll pretend to love you and since it is what you need and want to believe, sadness and depression from the emptiness you feel is something you’ll lose strength trying to ignore, and at your lowest where they need you to be is where they’ll delight in your plight

If you’re person who love deeply, commit deeply, give deeply, care deeply, and sacrifice yourself for the person you love, remember before you do all that to pay attention to their behavior. Do they really love you? Check how much they use you, what they say about you to their friends, how they treat you, how much they appreciate and learn from you.

Not everyone is who they say they are or seem to be.

Love can be a cruel thing

I have been a kind frog that delightfully helped a beautiful scorpion cross the river only to get stung and wonder why the scorpion stung me.

Many blood moons later unto this day I still wonder why. The pain and her betrayal is still unforgettable because her venom still burns my soul, and ghost of her still haunts my heart because the love that made me kind still won’t hate her.

About doping in Kenya

Dear Mr Ababu Namwamba, you do not know me, but it is time you do. My name is Kiplimo Chemirmir, I am many things, but at the moment I am a passionate Kenyan and I’m tired of seeing some of our athletes bringing shame and disgrace to our beloved country. Like me, you too should find this unacceptable and it should anger you to your bones. For no one should be romanticized just because they say they’re sorry. We need discipline, we need honour, we need accountability, we need honesty because these is what makes the backbone of Kenya.

Here are my requirements for you to start doing. But before that I just want to say Congratulations for being appointed the minister of sports. I strongly believe you will do great but above all save the face of our country.

Here are what I believe we can do for our sport, saving our country and bringing discipline to those who represents us.

1. Budget for talent discovery, and athletics Cultivation is so incredibly small. The government should invest on that. Don’t tax the athletes and also stop giving athletes a hard time when they come with suitcases of their training facilities, such as shoes and clothing, etc.

2. Ban the entire camp for 2yrs if someone from the camp has failed / caught doping.

3. If you’ve been caught doping, you should be jailed according to your ban sentence. If it’s 2yrs or 4yrs. You should go to jail for the same years you’ve been banned.

We should go back in time and also arrest those who have failed / caught doping since 2012. The time Russia got banned. Imagine the faith and admiration the world will have if they heard someone in the government is doing something and all these international thieves are being arrested?

Russia is known for war and doping, Kenya we’re about to be known for Tourism and Doping. And this is a taint and name that no matter what we will do in the future, we will not be able to change it. We have to do this now.

4. Have a Kenyan athlete app database. Which holds their information, from age, place of birth, parents name, training camp or club, manager, coach and where they live.

5. The dopers to have their jail sentence shortened, they have to tell us where and which doctor sold and administer the doping, and who referred him or her to them.

6. To put an end to these doctors, they have to be jailed too. ADAK need to be honest too. When they’ve found out someone has failed a test, they should also release the names to press and not only to an individual or the Federation. We cannot have transparency when there’s secrets, bribes and blackmails or whatever is causing them not to release the names of the dirty athletes.

7. Athletes, doctors, coaches or managers who are responsible should not be given fines, but they must serve the time for the crime and banned for ever working with Kenyan athletes.

8. All athletes who are busted for doping should lose more than they stole. When I talk about their assets, I mean if they won 50k US, they should lose 150k US. That will be the fine, but still there’s jail time. The money taken will be used to fund the antidoping body. And if it’s a former Kenyan athlete who now represents Qatar, Bahrain, Turkey or whichever country they may be representing now, if they got doping, they should lose their assets in Kenya and be deported to the country they’re representing. We have to become firm now and leave no stone unturned.

9. There’s no room for education now anymore, many kenyan athletes have been making a mockery out of this opportunity and their ignorance and disrespect of the sport is the reason we are where we are today. Now is not a time to learn anything anymore but a time to put fear into everyone.

10. AK should be a parent to all athletes when it comes to going to hospital. Before they’re given any medication, the Dr should first inform AK federation, which they should have someone honest and trusted who is in charge of this who can never be bribed and must go through oath to get thia job.

11. Whichever physician gives medication to an athlete and causes the athlete to have health issues or death. The physician should be held accountable and be arrested. No bail or fine for them.

12. The managers that have the most positive cases should not be allowed to represent Kenyan athletes and also should be banned from having athletes on world major marathons.

13. All Coaches and trainers in Kenya must register with Athletics Kenya and pass the tests, which should not be easy. Don’t forget to include sexual Assaults and spousal abuse/ gender violence education and prevention.

14. I believe it’s time we evolve past visiting the camps, and do random calls to the athletes to come be tested without them knowing when and what day. There should be antidoping offices in every police station. 2 police men, male and female should be put in every police station as antidoping police. Their job is to make surprise visit and sometimes a raid to the training camps to perform testing.

15. Yes it is possible and imperative for the Kenyan government to implement a DCPU/ Doping Control Police Unit. We should set it for 5yrs. Government should put 200 cops who will also be secret services. Some of them should be athletes.

16. Just like it was during covid where you had to show your test before travel. Kenya government should set an office at the main airport only for Kenyan athletes to report and vetted before they leave, if you haven’t been tested 3x before your race, you’re nit getting into any plane.

The more fear we make the more clean athletes will be.

We should ask IAAF/ WA/ World Athletics not to intervene but support because this is a national emergency, athletics is the face of Kenya. And if we dont do something not soon but now, Kenya will be known as a doping nation. We are literally one step away from sharing fate with Russia.

The AK president served in the army, he shouldn’t be sitting down and watching this disgrace to our nation go on like this and be silent as if it is normal. This is not our culture or our way of life.

Barnaba of AK has done so much, but unfortunately he’s by himself every time I see him. Give him the funds and add younger people at AK to help. It’s time to retire the old folks there because their minds have the wisdom of the past but no knowledge of the rapidly changing course of the present day lifestyle of the athletes and world. We need to be better on who we put there to represent us. Our ambassadors should be people who are not yes men or bow to the white man but also learn to say No. We need to have warriors.

And one last important thing. AK needs elections. And it should be every 4yrs, one Olympic to the other. And term should not be more than 8yrs. And whoever is in office now must show what they’ve done for sports the last 10yrs in able to run again. We need new people who are passionate of making the sport of running bigger. We need new and better stadiums in all regions of Kenya that produces or has potential of making great athletes.

If people elect the president and who they want to serve them in the government or parliament, why not let athletes decide who they want to be their leader?. Having people who are already there vote for themselves and decide who they want to be in the federation breeds discrimination, tribalism, favourism and corruption. Everything is the way it is because everyone has gotten comfortable knowing they’re untouchable.

I also think it’ll be wise if everyone who is elected to only not serve more than 8yrs in office, and elections should be done every 4yrs because that’s what’s supposed to be done. If Olympics is every 4yrs, why not the AK federation? No one is special or entitled to own an office that’s supposed to serve athletes.

17. Team Kenya doesn’t need nutritionist on the team when we travel the food is offered in buffet for everyone. That’s a waste of money to have that person in the team.

18. The physios, massage therapist, that have to be chosen through a voting system by the athletes who are in the team. I don’t think it’s wise to continue bringing physical therapist’s from hospital to work on athletes who needs someone who understands their body better.

19. We need transparency with where sponsorship and Nike money and equipment is offered and who it is distributed to and to who receives it, and who is in charge of giving the facilities to the athletes. Because I have worked for Team Kenya 2x, in 2016 World indoor championship in Portland I was given only a t-shirt and in 2022 World Championships in Eugene I was given only a hat. And both time I was the only physio working for the team. In 2016, the 1st day I slept in the floor because they didn’t have a room for me nor credentials. But that didn’t hold me back from serving my country.

Stuff like this shouldn’t be happening. Now its been 5-months later I still haven’t been paid for my work for the  World Championships that was held in Eugene. Every time I asked for my paycheck they keep saying tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes for them. I’ve traced the phone number of the person who is supposed to pay me but he’s ghosting me. Can you imagine working from 9am to 1am and somedays 3am for 10days and still not get paid?

20. Every athlete has a coach, and I don’t see the use of AK coaches to be part of the team because you’re changing someone’s training yet you do not know anything about them. This is an ancient way of thinking and doing things that we need to evolve from. Everyone can come to the training camp together, train together if their workouts matches but if not someone should be there to support and not control what the athlete does. They have their own coaches for a reason. Team Kenya doesn’t need to waste money on bringing too many team officials. It was so sad to see some athletes didnt know how and where to wash their clothes because no one showed them, for more than 10days athletes had to wash their clothes in the toilet sink with bath soap some couldn’t and were smelling so bad, you could see the disgust on other countries athletes when our Kenyan athletes would come for dinner, lunch ir breakfast. You mean the federation cant afford a deodorant and someone/ team chaperone who knows where athletes can do their laundry and have better hygiene? We can do better.

21. Please pay athletes on time. Those who have won medals or have represented the nation, pay them. its a disgrace that most amazing athletes on earth are not paid in time from representing their country. This needs to change. We need to do better. We need new leadership and new fresh minds to save our sport and country.

So please Mr Ababu Namwamba please, We have to do this now.

Solve your anger so you can have peace

When you’re angry, you’re only blinded by your connection with your anger. The sad thing is you’re only focusing on the surface of it.

There are three things you should be aware of when you’re angry.

1. You’re only thinking of your anger.

2. You have to think what’s causing your anger. Is it betrayal, being ignored or something else.

3rd one it should be your favorite path to all aspects of your life like it is to me. This is where you have to take a path of honesty and humbleness by asking yourself, what can I do to solve it. Here is where your heart meets your soul. And if you can find your way here, then you’ll know the mind fears the heart, but the heart doesn’t mind, because it’s been strengthened by celestial peace.

You can always find peace within you if you seek it. You don’t have to fight anyone, for that will only cause more hurt and resentment, which causes mental scars that you may end up carrying for life if you do not solve things sooner with the wisdom in you.

From one warrior to another, I want you to know, it is not wise to romanticize by living with an emotion that does not cultivate your well-being. Remember, in life you’ll hurt yourself more with the way you view things than the way you’re being hurt.

Don’t join anyone or anything on beating yourself up, you’ll never heal.

Look at the bright side, you can let go your anger and nothing bad will happen to you, it only does when you hold on to it. Your heart was not built nor destined to carry such weight.

Be light to your being, and light will be with you.