Funny story of a colonial soldier and an African warrior and the wild African Savannah

Long long time ago, long ago before white men came to africa and teach the african men and women to wear cloths, the dark and wild land of africa was covered with a beautiful and peaceful great forest, wild animals and fearless warriors who wore nothing but animal skin to cover themselves from poison ivy, thorns and other stuff.

The first encounter between the african warrior and the colonial soldier named Muzungu”  brought fear in all over the peaceful land, the african warrior saw something that he has never seen in his life, he saw a strange man with smoke coming out of his mouth and his color was like clouds, for a moment there he thought he saw a ghost.

The african warrior decided to hide in the nearby bush to figure out if he is seeing a ghost or a God.

Muzungu happen to be hunting and in front of the thick bush that the african warrior was hiding a warthog was feeding on the fresh green grass, which happened to be its last supper.

Muzungu the colonial soldier saw the warthog and he point his old century rifle gun upon it, then he took the shot, ”Baaaam” the loud sound of the rifle terrified the african warrior as he watches the poor warthog die without knowing what hit it.

 Muzungu the colonial soldier ran towards his kill shouting on top of his voice in celebration with his hands in the air  ” Wooooo hooooooo, Yeee haaaaw, while speaking on strange language saying ”Oooh yes baby, straight into the brains baby, come to papa”.

The African warrior was in shock and in disbelief asking himself how did the strange ghost killed the warthog without touching it with that stick that spit fire! 

Muzungu was running after his kill but the african warrior thought the the strange man with the stick that spits fire was running after him,  Then african warrior said to himself this strange man is a crazy ghost witch! he burst out of the bushes and ran out faster than a cheetah, all of the animal skin he was wearing to protect his privy parts from being seen came flying off. 

Muzung was astound too seeing a warrior zooming past him like lightening, he said the African warrior, hey stop but the warrior kept on running, Muzungu fired a shot in the air desperately hoping the warrior will stop but when the warrior heard the loud sound of the stick that spit fire he disappeared like the wind…Muzung the soldier said to himself crazy warrior!

The thud that was coming from the feet of the african warrior as he  dashes naked though the great african savannah was like of thousand wildebeests, all the wild animals ran for their lives far away from him in fear.

 The hyena the con’animal, AKA Stinky” was very frightened and decided to hide in nearby bush and in there Lion the king of the jungle was also hiding gripping his sharp teeth in fear , the hyena asked the lion, My king you too are hiding?

The lion said No! I’m eating grass and meditating, the hyena placed his dirty paws on his stinking mouth and laughed in whisper and said C’mon my kingliness, we all know you don’t eat grass, we are predators amigo.

The lion said to the hyena, Stinky you got me there, but what I’m going to tell should remain a secret and be buried on this bush and must never never ever be digged and if I ever, ever, ever hear a breath or even a tiny bitty smell of it in my savannah, I swear to the kings before me and the mother of mountains and ancestors of the edge of the earth I will skin you alive using your sharpest tooth and rip your tongue apart with your own claws.

Stinky the hyena said, I promise, I promise my royal kingliness you will never never never hear even a fart of it, then the lion said – to be honest with you I have ruled every edge and peak of this savannah for many years but I have never seen such astonishing and scary animal ‘eeh! This creäture looked like human but it has its tail on the front, (The african warrior who was running naked) and from there they laughed and laughed and laughed till King lion lost his voice and all he could do is roar and that’s how the lion lost his voice; the hyena laughed and laughed to this day, even when he is scared he can’t help itself from laughing.

Few days later Hyena was still laughing, other animals started to get annoyed and curious and wondered why stinky was laughing, Toto the king adviser wise tortoise asked hyena, Stinky your laughter is annoyingly unbearable Sarafina the giraffe decided to go for hunger strike and stuck her head in the clouds till you shut up, what is the reason of your laughter, stinky the hyena couldn’t help to shut his mouth and told Toto the tortoise do you really want to know? Toto the tortoise said ”Yes tell us so we may laugh also, Stinky went far beyond and dug the Kings secret, the word about the king spread like a wild-fire through the savannah.

 Simba heard tweet tweet and twit twit the gossip – rumor loving birds laughing and talking about it in the tree behind the river where King simba was relaxing, the King was very upset and incredibly furious at Stinky, the king embarked to fulfill his cruel promise that he promised stinky if he could ever open, fart or breathe a word of it, suddenly down the path stinky was on his way to the river for an afternoon refreshment laughing.

The scene got ugly when they met but it didn’t get uglier like the way King simba promised, poor stinky hind legs were shortened after King simba deliver a punch heavier than of Evander holyfield when he knocked out mike Tyson, the heavy punch hit poor stinky on the back of his hip and left him with scoliosis and a hip fracture, luckily there was a hole belonging to Doobdoob the late Warthog. R.I.P., Stinky squeezed himself into the hole and escaped being skinned alive and ripped apart, he hid in there for months and when he came out, King simba was gone, only tweet tweet and twit twit the gossip rumour loving sisters were outside the hole, but before stinky could say a word tweet tweet and twit twit told stinky that he is banished from the savannah, stinky was very sad weak and starving but he never left the savannah.

From that day Stinky was unable to hunt for himself and he was forced to eat rotten carcasses with the vultures, Everyday in the savannah poor stinky tries to beg for forgiveness from King simba but every time stinky gets close to the king he gets chased away….. So kids that’s why the Hyenas hind legs are shorter than the front legs and walk while limping sadly, but he never stopped laughing.

Kiplimo chemirmir


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